Triggers. Those little seen/unseen stimuli that will set you off to move forward or stand still. When I think of triggers, immediately it’s about anger or some addiction. Right?
Nah, it’s for anything really. Menstrual cramps will have me not moving when after consistently working out for 2 weeks straight LOL. Rain will either cause me to be melancholy or to contemplate cancelling plans when I know I’ve confirmed to attend.
Have you ever really paid attention to the triggers in your life? Like what sets you off. Someone did that one thing that annoys the hell out of you and you can’t take no more…I QUIT. I quit this job, this relationship, this project. I don’t want to do “it” anymore. Disappointment will take me off my healthy eating and have me binging on junk and comfort food.
I’ve never really paid attention to mine until recently. I have more than I care to confess…yet
I don’t compare myself to anyone or anything. I’m ME.
LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES LIES.
Comparison. This is the whole purpose of media, social media, advertising. How would you look doing what the people in the photo are doing? What would this outfit look like on you? (in comparison to the person in the photo.hmmm the unspoken end of the sentence)
It can be very subtle sometimes… How often have you found yourself comparing your accomplishments to someone else your age? Falling into the I should’s. Someone you know or know of releases a new book, advertises a workshop or event or perhaps they are announcing on social media or some email blast the new consulting company they’ve started. WHOAAA. You know when you’re alone and you ask yourself what are you doing wrong that you haven’t accomplished more.
You get to thinking… I have the same qualifications (probably more) what’s wrong with me? You are genuinely happy for their success but you can’t help wondering about your own. hmmm.
Of course none of you do this. AT ALL. EVER. You are good and at peace with exactly where you are. I wasn’t. I exited social media and noticed how much I was comparing myself to others.
Fears. Fear of ….success. Folks will judge me if I launch this project. They will think I’m….what? I won’t feel worthy of any success and recognition. Who am I Viola now? LMAO
Fear of failure… What if I fall flat on my face? What if you don’t? (personally, that response used to irk the shit outta me, however it’s valid) Failing in public is an embarrassment I won’t be able to recover from. (I disagree, let’s take a look at some throwback Thursday photos that are on the internet…I survived those LMAO)
Honestly, we tend to come up with all sorts of things to prevent ourselves from moving forward towards manifesting the dreams we KNOW we are capable of giving our best shot.
I have friends who are taking that leap and being met with blessing after blessing; watching their dreams materializing. “It’s too good to be true; am I REALLY here, doing this now?” I’ve been hearing that pretty often lately from them.
Sure we have moments of setbacks, even hit plateaus and want to give up. Sometimes we do. But we need simply pause…take a closer look or perhaps back up and REALLY assess where we are. Develop a new attack or muster the courage and energy to push through whatever fear, comparison or trigger we are facing.
All this sounds great right? I wish it always worked. I’ve struggle with this often. Am I good enough to do this?
Hell this blog is a HUGE example of it.
- I stepped out and decided to write.
- I got off social media to avoid comparing myself to anyone else (i failed at this because I read other blogs every day and feel like deleting this one every week)
- Tues and Weds are hard because I know I have to posts.
- Fear that someone will read a post and actually like it and expect them to get better or always be good and they don’t
- Fear that now, I’ve shared the link and put myself out there (can’t take it back) and only one posts out of 10 is worth reading
I fight to convince myself that this is not a huge mistake and the level of vulnerability that I’m experiencing is worth it. I have wanted to delete this blog.
But I haven’t. I can’t. I’m breaking the habit of being the me I was before. I felt inadequate no matter how much I’ve studied and accomplished. I was one who questioned my worth. I compared myself to others and I hid.
This is me not hiding. NO matter how bad I write. DAMNED be the fears and comparison and screw the triggers.
Breaking ME is not an easy task. I’ve spent years building this.
they say it takes 21 days to make or break a habit… Are we there yet?
Breaking the Habit of You 
Comparison….do you know, when you shared your blog with me I first went to the About section to learn about you. Upon reading your accomplishments, I immediately felt like a failure. At what, I don’t exactly know but I do know I don’t have a laundry list of accomplishments like yours. I have accomplishments but they are personal accomplishments…do those count? I shared this information with my co-worker and she commenced to scold me as she always does…”are you comparing yourself to people again?”. I think this is why I ‘forgot’ about your blog: I became intimidated by your accomplishments. I’m still working on my conditioning to compare myself to others. Think about it, we’ve been taught (or I have been) that healthy competition is good for you. I’ve spent the last couple of years questioning everything I’ve been taught.
Triggers…my mind seems to be full of landmines. Any and everything can trigger me. I’ve gotten pretty good at identifying how I was triggered.
Fear…I think a lot of my fear is based on a comparison, afraid of what someone else will think about a choice I make. I have to constantly remind myself “your journey is not their journey”. Constantly. My fear is more based on the unknown than success or failure. I’ve never wanted to be successful (yet compare myself to people who I consider successful) and never thought of failure in terms of failure. Except when I almost drowned trying to walk on the bottom of the ocean.
21 days to break a habit, eh? I’ll let you know when I get thru one lol
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your honesty makes me smile. I’m blushing and in shock that you were thrown off by MY accomplishments. do you have any idea how long it took me to even have the confidence to OWN those? Cristal you have many more accomplishments that you give yourself credit for (that’s what I had to tell myself in order to write the “about me.” and allllllll of what you said about comparison and fear…yeah allla dat.
success though…i’m working on that. Defining what success means for me and NOT in comparison to someone else. But don’t we compare in order to know what we do and don’t want? hmmm I’m going to sit with that one a bit more.
Habits take as long as they take to break and go away…this is a marathon not a sprint. pace yourself.
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