Yes I meant to say Fur’d  like covered in hair or something else.

How often have you stopped..

okay do it now.          STOP!!!

I want you to really think and FEEL where you are in your life right this moment. (that would be now, so stop reading)

Is this anything like you imagined it’d be?  Are you doing exactly what you thought you’d be doing at your age? NAH. nobody is doing EXACTLY what they thought (nobody I know anyway, and if you are please tell me so I can rub up against you and hope for some of that juju you got 🙂 

What did you want to be when you were 5yrs old ? okay,  9?

I was asked this question by two different women on two different days.  To both I replied… “I dunno.” As a kid, I was just living. I had no aspirations to BE anything other than to stay out of my mother’s way and await my next opportunity to have fun. This may have meant fun alone (which was usually the case, i’m a single child) or with a cousin or a rare thing when I little… a friend.

By the time I was 10, I’d decided I never wanted to be married,(most every adult I knew was divorced, I’ll pass. ) no children and I would be the family member that was jet set. Ya know, Flying all over the world, always showing up with small but thoughtful gifts for everyone. My appearance would always be impeccable, simple, classy and expensive but not look like it. Always tailored to fit Moi.

I never saw myself in an office or locked to to desk. No “career” per se.  Often to be seen on my phone talking to folks, delegating tasks.  I am sought after worldwide to speak. My home…a penthouse apt with floor to ceiling windows a HUGE bed with lots of pillows, artsy.  Eccentric dinner parties with no less than 15 ppl from all walks of life…talking and sharing.

Well, I’m almost 50 and I’ve been married, divorced, raised a boy and a girl alone (they grown now). I have acquired both a bachelors and a masters degree. I’ve worked many jobs(none more than a couple years) and I’m presently single with no prospects. oh living in a 4 plex on the 2nd floor

What happened?

I’ve always been responsible and doing what’s right. I’ve graduated and doing all the right things to pursue a career and nothing has materialized.

To adult like everyone else.

Yet, the Universe has been repeatedly telling me to “sit down and BE still.”  Recently it’s asking “What are you passionate about?”

Eh?     Living, what else is there? right? wait am I five years old again? NOOOOOOOO

How do we get paid for that?  I dunno. hence I’ve been trying for the past 3+ months to do everything I know to be what I believed is expected of me (mind you nobody has really TOLD they expect anything of me)  NOPE,    WRONG door contestant.

or is it the wrong door?   I mean I was walking the bayou every day or every other day, posting on social media about “Pause and be present!,” eating A LOT because it tastes so damn good to try all kinds of foods   ( I had to stop that, I was gaining weight, more weight), journaling and meeting new people.

Now I’m not what my 10 year old self has dreamed up (YET, there’s still time) however I’m doing what my 5 year old self did a lot of…BEing and waiting on my next opportunity to have fun.  it was all she knew.  Hell at age 10,  I had a passport with stamps on it. What happened?

I dunno

It’s like the Universe has asked me am I going to live my life pursing what’s safe and thinking about what’s right or am I going to FEEL and feed my spirit what it’s craving?

When exactly do we surrender to what really makes us feel alive and go for it (once we identify what the hell that is)? why are we waiting on permission and FROM WHO?

Go back to question I asked in the beginning of this posts and really take notice of what YOU said YOU dreamed you wanted to be    1) determine if you still want it 2) make sure you aren’t already there and simply haven’t allowed yourself to acknowledge it.

Honestly though,

I’m still needing My bank account to catch up with my passion, Soon come .

while i’m waiting, i’m going to do a laser hair removal and de-fur a few dreams.