it’s taken me a while to write, I don’t apologize. I’ve been breaking, building and breaking again. However, I have learned that avoidance is a behavioral response which keeps me silent and thus alerts to the realization of something is off in me.

Behavior that provokes hypersensitivity in the body, obsession to the point of not caring if it harms the self or another, and moves one further and further away from true self.

A young lady was found a few weeks ago, presumably alone in a hotel with a needle in her arm. Ruled as an overdose of heroin or perhaps what she believed it was. Nonetheless, she is gone. Dead. Leaving behind older siblings, parents, grandparents, great grandparents, aunties, uncles and her only child. She was in recovery, an addict who relapsed.

Sad I know, right? so young, not even 30 years old and by some cosmic standards, (Saturn’s return, look it up) not even a true adult. As opinions were voiced about her death and what led up to it; fingers were pointed at others and self, both silently and with volume. Her death caused a few to stop and look in a mirror, to check in or check out what they believed was being reflected to them, in relation to her addictive behaviors. Mostly, attempting in her post mortem, to decipher what they decided she felt and thoughts she had, while she was living.

My own mirror reflection evoked similar conversations. Did I do enough? Should I have been more involved? What is addiction? Could I have made a difference in her recovery?

Perhaps, or not.

Then my mirror rippled like water and the reflective conversation shifted.

What is YOUR addiction? What have YOU craved and sought sometimes without concern for consequences? How do YOU numb your own discomforting experiences? What do YOU do to silence the voices when life choices feel overwhelming?

I had the privilege of speaking with a few women in recovery from substance use since the death. They candidly shared, addictions are not all bad, like with anything else it’s the extremes that get us into trouble.

One woman’s perspective is, all addictions originate from a relationship. One person introduces another to a way of reducing, escaping or numbing emotions/thoughts he/she doesn’t want to experience. JEEZ, are you thinking what I did? This applies to ANYTHING AND EVERYONE. However again, extremes is the caveat, or is it?

So what are my addictions? I will tell you mine when you share yours. Let me help with this prompt.

Hello, my name is________

and I have an unhealthy attachment to _________________

I am in the _______________stage of change.

*The young lady who died is my niece, the youngest of a brother’s children. I embrace the experience of her life and death in educating me on another area I intend to work on in myself and those who seek my assistance. I am honored that she allowed me a space in her journey. May she rest in love and peace.

*Stages of change: Pre-contemplation/contemplation/preparation/action/maintenance/relapse