“catch you some while it’s still trending.”

That was my status on social media recently regarding Vulnerability.  A recent release of an album by a well known rap celebrity has most folks up on their soapboxes and others drinking up all that is being dropped in the lyrics as if it’s from the heavens.

Me…I appreciate the words. I appreciate the message. Do I care if it’s a real confession?  As a woman it would make me feel better. I’m lying it won’t. It’s a person I will more than likely never hook up with, talk with or even want to meet honestly.  To me, it’s all to get money. An entertainer’s job is just that to entertain. To entertain the imagination, fantasies, dreams, dark side etc of the audience and that’s what has been done. This figure has fed the masses with the words that were delivered.  His wife gave us the woman’t anthem and new feminist persona so now he comes with the male role of outlining what it means to be a man. What a wonderful “first couple.”  They aren’t all bad, they could be feeding us something much worse but they are still human and in the entertainment business.

Confessions of a man’s soul?  Maybe but how many men will emulate his behavior? A few. But again will they just be mimicking, imitating or will it be genuine and from the soul? How will we know?  hmmm.  Will they have endured the task, taken the time this entertainer seems to have taken to come, to this revelation of the separation between who he was and who he needs to be in order to keep his new found wealth…his family.  Nah. Just like there are women out here screaming to be healed and all about self care etc but that’s because it’s all

Trending right now.

Does that mean it’s diluted or not real?  I would be foul and petty to judge another person’s journey so I will respond. Time will tell.  Time will tell if you’ve arrived or you have just arrived at a new place.  Folks out here doing it for the gram, snap, face and anything else they can be seen on.  There are some who are doing it alone, isolated, with groups, tribes etc but again; Time will tell how deep folks go.  We are all still in this continual process of shedding who we were and becoming someone we hope was better than the last us…in the public eye because we post, vent, comment in a way that becomes permanent.  Internet.  But if the operative is to become a better us then it’s all worth it.  That’s all he’s saying really. He is realizing that the old him has no place in his new life and so he’s looking to let that persona go. A farewell.  I like it. He’s in a new place. Will he mess up here? probably.  it’s a new place, new rules and expectations. It requires more.

But vulnerability?  I don’t know him personally so I can only interpret what it means for me, as art should.  What does this mean for me?

yes, I would love to believe that there is a celebrity bearing his soul, being naked, vulnerable in the public eye in such a way that doesn’t put all his business in the street but shows his family and his followers…showing that he’s grown.  it’s good. I appreciate. As a woman who has not been in a mutually committed relationship since 2002 he’s given me hope (very little)   yes i’ve been out here floating and getting jacked over since 2002. But I’ve grown.  Vulnerability made me say that.

I asked a few men I know if they thought this  release would change men and how they behave. One flat out said “hell no, ain’t no man about to confess shit he’s done to a woman he’s with now and risk losing her. he will just take that shit to silence and his death bed.”  LMAO ( that was from a 46 yr old single male who has hurt and drained many woman, present company included)  The others were similar in tone (but less extreme, there’s hope) except one that said…” it will reach a few, they will take the chance. it’s a risk and a gamble you know.”  I do know.  For a man who’s been with a woman to admit his real flaws, to confess what she already knew but he finds the courage to say it in his own voice.  That’s a risk because you don’t know if she will stay or leave but he knew that he was fcking up when he did it. Do I have sympathy? sure, it has to suck to not be able to cross that woman’s threshold again. EVER because you’ve hurt her so badly.  There should be consequences for the behavior.

Vulnerability. It’s not easy.  You can’t be half vulnerable. But before we all run out here confessing shit and demanding or showing transparency let’s ask ourselves a few questions:

what’s your motive?  because we usually operate in give and take mode. We want something in return

• More likes on social media;
• that woman or man to love us more deeply than before
• more sex; more gifts; more attention
• more commitment than prior

Back up…what does it even mean to be vulnerable?

• Spilling all past transgressions.
• Talking with no filter
• Showing emotion, responding with authentic affection
• Being fully present with another
• Giving/sharing because you are able and not to gain something (tit for tat)

All I’m saying is before we judge another or decide to try on this vulnerability trend, do some station identification with yourself. It might not be for you (right now). Should you be in a relationship, your partner might not receive it the way you imagined and then what?  Or better yet, what if they aren’t interested in being vulnerable like you? Does that mean you end the relationship?

Vulnerability should not be a trending activity. It’s not the new “get laid” gimmick.

What this man did was finally found a relationship he could grow inside of; a safe space to explore and examine who he is as a person, a man, a father and husband. All relationships don’t allow that space

Start with yourself.  Are you safe enough to be vulnerable with you?