1. Habit identified.
2. Plan mapped out to implement transformation
3. Date selected to begin and…

WAIT!!!

Be careful what you ask, pray, wish for, it will happen. Will you be ready?

I’ve never really desired to be a high profile person publicly.  I’d rather be that mover and shaker that is low profile however just as significant and impactful.  The one who is dressed impeccably classic. Quiet, however many already know who I am. No fuss or extras necessary let’s just get to the purpose and keep it moving.  Work to be done so I can play. That’s the woman I desire to be.

We ask (insert whatever term you utilize for your personal higher power, I use Universe/Creator)  the Universe for this and that, etc etc and we map things out. We work our plan and see small successes here and there. We get excited.  YES!  Blowing and going through tasks and deadlines. Results manifests from our efforts and then one day

WHAM

We hit a plateau and everything seems to stop.  Our efforts don’t produce the same results and we question things.  We doubt. We begin to neglect the successful routine we established (you know the ONE that’s been working!)  then…we return to our sad slump before we decided to change.  yet…The Universe begins to respond.  Yeah, things speed up and we are suddenly in the midst of what we asked for.  We are amongst the people and situations that we listed out in our plan. Responsibilities and accountabilities are suddenly staring us in the face. What a rollercoaster ride.

This is when personally, I panic.  Like say…Tonight.

I told you guys about the dream of the 5 to 10 year old me. Well, she was put in a situation tonight that showed me, asked me, ” Are you SURE you want this?”

I had to attend a very exclusive, high profile reception. Attire was business casual and I was to meet a director there to introduce him to a few people to move his efforts forward. ME? moving folks forward and connecting them? LOL.

My reality:  45 minutes prior to the event beginning, there I stood looking in my closet having a meltdown.

What to wear? My clothes don’t fit anymore (gained a lot of weight in the past 5 months) and my wardrobe hasn’t transitioned from college student to professional. I threw something on and stopped by a friend’s place of business. I NEEDED reassurance that I didn’t’ look a hot mess. She was great. Stopped me from crying (the tears were RIGHT THERE), reminded me to breathe, gave me a hug and sent me on my way. (External cheerleaders…remember them?)   I’d contacted another fashion forward friend but she wasn’t available. Mind you neither of these people has a clue what’s in my closet or my style but I was desperate for input. (*confession: I don’t know if I have a style actually)

I arrived and the place was packed.  This is where I wanted to yell WAIT.  Here I am, quiet, classic and simply dressed, people know me and some of my work etc etc so why do I feel inadequate?  Why am I feeling insecure and questioning whether I belong in this space with these people?

In life, we… you and I have moments when situations seem…surreal.  We beg and pray for opportunities then when they are provided to us we get cement feet. We feel we don’t belong.

*(there’s that impostor syndrome again…Viola!!!)

I did survive the event and made some new contacts and reacquainted with some others.  The person I was supposed to meet did a “no show.” But I’m glad I attended. Test runs are a good thing.

On the way home, I stopped by another friend’s to chat. I mentioned to her about my feelings in preparing to attend and attending the event and she chuckled.

“I’m surprised.  I never think that anything shakes you. You are always so calm and strong spirited”

That mask we don to make it while we fake the queasiness we feel inside. While we decide if we are going to sabotage,  stall or keep pressing onward.

Tonight I did all of them, Hence, tomorrow I will have to revamp my plan.

Am I ready for this?