Is it a badge of honor or horror to be a complicated woman?  I recently had this discussion with a few women varying in age. What does that even mean to actually announce this about yourself? Does it make you feel special?

To be difficult to explain or understand to another person, does that make one more attractive and appealing?  It seems to me that it would make someone tired. Actually both parties could become exhausted.  The women I was with were not all in agreement.  Some felt that there are so many people out here after the same goals you have to craft yourself to be unique in order to stand out. Others disagreed.

On the one hand there’s the “normal” relationship. Romantic or platonic, it’s a dance of given and take; show and tell.  Sometimes its balanced and other times not so much. People live different existences and there may not be much to share.  That’s okay.  No judgment. RIGHT?

Then there’s getting into a relationship with a complicated person.  You know the one in which someone has to be constantly figured out (or not).  Again, it can be either platonic or romantically involvement.  One person is tasked with the never ending phases of getting to know the other.  It’s challenging enough to break the ice but then there are all these layers that one has to work through to get to the real person, only to discover they still don’t have a clue about who they are in the relationship with.  hmph.

Although it may be exciting in the beginning to be mysterious and complicated or complexed, to keep the other person’s interests, after awhile it gets kinda old.  Sure, you are always on that person’s mind as they try to figure you out and you may smile or giggle at their drive to get to know you. But  most folks will give up the chase after consistently hitting walls when they attempt to get to know you.  I”m not talking about being lazy about getting to know you but genuinely tired because you make everything a huge production about who you think you are. There always seems to be a sharp turn or dead end,  when it appears we’ve come to an answer.  Stop it.

It can also become a chore for the person working to be complicated.  There is nothing wrong with trying on different personalities or styles but at some point the whole point of a relationship is allowing another person to get to know you.  Who really wants to work so hard the ENTIRETY of the relationship.  Thinking of new things to make yourself be more alluring or less easy for the other person can become emotionally and mentally fatiguing.  Hell in some cases even physically.  (btw, this is not about keeping the excitement in a relationship going, that’s totally different) 

At some point, folks kinda want to settle into some sense of stability and familiarity.

This actually can be a dilemma for more people than you realize.  In a country and world where everyone wants the best bang for their time and money, it’s only reasonable that one would feel the necessity to be ever changing and evolving… but complicated?  That’s different.  Complicated, elicits confusion and frustration, even issues in friendships and romantic partnerships.  One can only expect someone to put up with their inability to be understood to a point.

So is it a badge of honor to say ” I’m a complicated person.” or a badge of horror?

This is not to say, be easy and an open book. Unless that’s what you desire.  Truth is that we’ve all lived through experiences and nobody else will ever perceive or live them exactly the way you have. So why not just be okay with that.  It generates questions and responses that don’t have to be so over the top.

Drop some of your baggage and strive to be an uncomplicated but well lived human.  You just might enjoy your relationships more and they may actually enjoy you.